um, excuse me.

working at the library, looking like the perfect grad student, has some disadvantages. one, you obviously have all sorts of book and note taking material splayed out, in addition to your most prized possession, that lovely transportable computer. while this creates a great scene for academic fervor, it is a pain in the ass to deal with when you have to go to the bathroom and your school doesn't have an honor code. so, you pack up your 'puter, hope that no one takes you coat or backpack and saunter on down to the basement to do your business.

because you are sauntering, you don't notice when you walked into a big puddle. the splash gets your attention. you navigate the rest of the puddle by carefully walking from one elevation to another. your stall has tp and all is right with the world.

until you go to leave the bathroom.

you see the puddle again. you can see its true color now. and that smell you didn't really notice before- yeah, that's shit. you walked through the largest pee puddle known to... well, you. there are probably accounts of larger pee puddles in the history of man, but you certainly haven't encountered them.

you navigate this veritable sea of pee much more gingerly and because you are a good citizen, you feel it is your duty to report the leak. but do you go to the info desk? the reference desk? circulation? printing resources? why isn't there a plumbing issues desk? or an in case there is shit on the floor staging area?

you decide on the main desk in the main lobby of the building. they have a computer and a phone- they can probably figure out the right people to call. you approach them and they seem to be wary of you, like they can smell what you stepped in.

'um, excuse me? hi, yeah, there is a leak downstairs. a HUGE leak. by the bathrooms. i don't know if anyone has told you yet. but it is a huge puddle. it looks like it is coming from the BATHROOMS.'

they just stare at you and say 'ok.' you are forced to say again 'i just wanted to tell someone that there is a huge leak from the bathrooms in the basement. someone might want to look into it.'

again, they stare and say 'ok.'

not satisfied with this level of pee puddle awareness by the establishment, you stalk (no more sauntering) back to your lovely grad school study area, which is conveniently located near the front desk. you stare at them, imploring them with your brain waves to do something.

THEY DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE HUGE PEE PUDDLE IN THE BASEMENT.

you implore with your mind some more.

finally, a security guard shows up. is he going to guard the pee? rope it off? it isn't really an explosive, just a lot of pee! but hey, it is at least one form of authority. you take it.

but.

you are wary of his true mission. it has been about 20 minutes since you told the desk (by the way, you are obsessed with this puddle now.) so you watch him go to the elevator bank. and you make a mental note that this is the best seat to have to scope out front desk goings-on. and you wait to see which direction he will travel- down, to the infamous pool or up, to the stacks presumably free of human waste.

HE GOES UP.