09 December 2007

time for another trip down memory lane

well, i don't know if it actually is time, but i don't have much else to share with you (except more flight of the conchords, but i think i need to space that out). and i apologize now, this thing is LONG. i tried to throw in some pictures to break it up.

Prayer through the Ages: Religion in Tatiana's Life

age under 1: am born to roman catholic parents, mother colombian, father irish. needless to say, am baptized when i'm a few months old. by immersion, getting my kicky rainbow baptismal gown wet. seeing as it is november, i get a head cold. hurrah for god!

age 6: leave montessori school for parochial school because i give myself too much homework. there is a crucifix in every room. kinda creepy. i also skip a grade but that's for another time. had nothing to do with god.

age 7: go through first reconciliation and communion. i LOVE my gloves. and hat with veil. i play dress up in these clothes after school for years.

ps. i thought it would be creepy to post a pic of some random little girl in her first communion dress, so here is a first communion gift basket, available for purchase online.

ages 8-11: am extremely pious. EXTREMELY. want to be a priest. say the rosary every night before going to bed. am very serious about confessing all sins. all of this changes when a deacon talks to my class for career day. he tells us that women can never be priests because they are women and jesus wasn't a woman, so we can't be priests. but we can be nuns! i ask if nuns can say mass and he says that they can do everything except consecrate the host. being a good little catholic, i know that this is the whole point. i am VERY angry, think it is TOTALLY unfair because i am the MOST HOLY PERSON in my ENTIRE GRADE. MORE HOLY THAN ALL THE BOYS. THEY SUCK. I LOVE GOD THE MOST. sorry for the yelling, but i was really upset. i swiftly lose a lot of faith in the catholic church and become a feminist.

ages 11-12: live in england and run into some random americans in tescos. they happen to be mormon and our only friends for awhile, so i start going to mormon youth group. i develop a huge crush on a little blond mormon boy named scott. he is third in a family of EIGHT BOYS. we slow dance together at week long sleep away mormon camp, where i learn how to conduct music. i think about being mormon, but their service is just TOO long for me. besides, i move back to the states and scott stays in england. maybe if i had stayed, i might have pulled a casey.

ages 13-17: still not hip to the whole can't be a priest thing, but at this point, i've kinda made my religion bed so i've got to sleep in it. i am an active member of my parish's cym (catholic youth ministry, they don't have a wikipedia page for it!). eenywho, i plan dances, retreats, and service projects. i give upteen numbers of talks during monthly youth mass. i am an usher at 9:30 mass. i go to world youth day. TWICE. it is also during this time that i stop saying 'in the name of the father, son, and holy spirit' and start saying 'in the name of the creator, savior, and gift giver'. that whole feminist thing i started back in middle school is obviously in full bloom.

during this time, i'm at an all girl catholic high school. yes, the kind with kilts. we are required to take theology for four years, which i'm very pleased to learn is VERY different from the religion classes i was subjected to until that point. i LOVED theology, thanks in great part to the teacher i had all four years, mr. boman. i learn what transubstantiation is all about and decide that catholics are even more wacko than i thought. i mean, i ALWAYS thought it was symbolic, even in the throes of my intense piety. i was devastated when i didn't get the theology prize upon graduation. i thought i had that thing locked up. again, my whole i'm the holiest person in here thing. i've since learned i need to let that go.

despite my misgivings about the church, i feel that i have to go through all the motions and enroll in confirmation classes. i bug the HELL out of my poor teacher by asking all sorts of questions, mostly relating to gender and sexuality in the church. i somehow don't get excommunicated and am confirmed. for those not in the know, you pick a saint's name to be confirmed under. most people chose their middle name, but i wanted something more exciting, so i chose nympha. 4th century virgin marytr, thought it would do the trick. but my parish rejects it! the nerve! i'm pissed and can't decide between my two back ups, pious and innocent. i decide innocent is less cocky. the bishop confirming me has me repeat it three time during my confirmation because he's confused, as i'm the first innocent he's ever confirmed (his words).

ages 17-20: in college, i stop going to mass all together. this does not sit well with my family. at all. but they realize that they can't control me while i'm at school but they CAN while i'm at home (hence me still going to church now). though i've declared myself officially lapsed, i fell the need to continue studying religion and considered majoring in it. instead, i just take enough classes to have minor (if haverford gave one). traditional african religions, history and principles of quakerism, gender and religion in pre-modern japanese literature, and history of religion in china. ok, so i fell one short of a minor. but the point is, i don't stop thinking about it.

ps. apparently, the hulk is a lapsed catholic. i'm in green furious company.

ages 21-present: rarely go to mass unless i'm at home or some event is going down (baptism, etc). decide that if someone held a gun to my head and made me chose, i would be quaker. also decide that i think it is important to be raised with some sort of religion but catholicism isn't it, for my family at least. will defer to whatever the husband's religion is and if he doens't care, quakers we shall be. as i think these things right after graduation, i also decide that i'm crazy to be thinking about this stuff as i have no job, no place to live, and no boyfriend. even as these things change and change again, i still think it is crazy to think about it, but there isn't much to do if you can't watch online tv or go shopping.

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