party etiquette 101

so, last night, i went to a lovely party thrown by my lovely friends juliet and brett. i had a fan tab time chatting with old friends and new, but there were certain people there who obviously don't know how to behave like adults once they had some alcohol. so, i figured that everyone could do with a refresher course in some basic party etiquette.

1. be kind and bring something to the party so that the host isn't put into the awkward situation of sending out an email asking for people to do what every human knows what to do. don't go to a party without something!

examples of what you can bring.

2. party conversation: funny stories from childhood, connecting over favorite movies, dishing about the food and ambiance. NOT good party conversation: saying things like 'i don't believe in human rights'. um, could you please top off my wine so i can leave you and never talk to you again?

she believes in human rights. and so should you.

3. if you are clumsy and in your mid 20s, odds are that you know you are clumsy. that being said, don't drink red wine in a room with white carpets. or, do it in the kitchen. don't keep on drinking it once you've spilled it multiple times, forcing the host to get out oxy-clean in her party dress.
this should not be necessary during a holiday party.

4. if you are playing an awesome game, for example, catch phrase, and your team loses because the other team is just supremely AWESOME, don't throw a tantrum. you are not four. and, as part of your tantrum, really don't throw shit around. seriously, don't.

not to be tossed like a frisbee.

5. don't get so drunk that you fall over a table, spilling red wine all over the place. or if you do, know that it is then time to leave.
if you look like the alien, go home.

now, i know that i haven't always been the perfect party guest. i'm sure i've spilled dip onto a table cloth or sloshed beer out of my cup onto a table. but i was IN COLLEGE and since then, i think i've learned how to carry myself so that i don't cause harm to those people or things around me. i have also mastered the art of making small talk and it doesn't include saying things like 'i don't believe in human rights'.

despite tantrums and nihilists, the party really was fantastic and juliet and brett should be proud of throwing such a swanky affair. though next time, i may suggest posting this list in the bathroom.